Monday, December 23, 2013

Idols & graduations

I just want to share a post by AIDOL-san about idols and graduations as I am also feeling the same way as him. -yes, during Acchan's graduation.

I just copy paste from his webpage. Here it is.

-----"I feel like we’ve recently been bombarded with idol graduations. Well, probably not recently. But the last two ones hit close to home. Because they were my friends’ Oshimen. The graduations caused great pain and sadness for them and I thought maybe sharing my graduation story would shed some light on the darkness they currently feel.

I started liking idols way back in October 2005, starting with Morning Musume. An angel by the name Kamei Eri caught my eye. With Morning Musume, there was only really one or two graduations a year, but I thought that it was a natural thing to happen. I was sad with every graduation but it was never that bad. I didn’t understand the people who treated idol graduations as something that turned their lives upside down. Until that one fateful day on August 8th, 2010.

When Eri announced her graduation, it was at the last day of the Fall tour concert. As usual, I started lurking around the forums to see what they were talking about during MC or any special happenings during the show. First live report came and it was “Junjun, Linlin and Eri will be graduating”.

I was stumped. The forum thread quickly gained a few pages in an instant. We all couldn’t believe it. I didn’t believe it. Then, someone uploaded a recording of the concert. With a heavy heart and still in a state of disbelief, I took a listen.

The announcement was clear. Tsunku (Momusu’s producer) was called out, then he started announce the names of the members who will be graduating. He said Linlin’s name first, followed by a huge “Ehhhhh” from the crowd. Then, Junjun’s name and an even bigger “EHHHHH“. Then, it was a small silence.

“Kamei Eri.”

The crowd was noisy and everyone was in an uproar. I remember Linlin, Junjun and Eri gave a speech later but I couldn’t listen. I just sat there with the earphone in my ear and stayed in silence. The pain of my heart was too agonizing. All I could feel is this emotional pressure like someone is grabbing my heart and squeezing it slowly until it was hard for me to breathe. It was as if my heart stop beating and at any moment it would break out of my chest. It was unbearable. My oshi just announced her graduation. I was broken.

The next day, a clip from the concert made it into the morning news. Putting images to match the recording I heard the day before was worse. I listened to their reason for graduating and my heart sank some more. Eri is graduating because of a severe skin condition. God damnit, why must it be that she graduates for the saddest reason ever. I can’t even hate her for graduating. I just hated myself because I couldn’t stop crying.

For the next 4 months, it was torture. I bought every single thing they released thinking this is Eri’s last one. Every single, every album, every photopack, every photobook, every piece of merchandise. You name it, I got it. You see, in 2010, I had just started working. I didn’t have enough money to fly over to Japan but I gave all I had to buy every single thing that has Kamei Eri on it.

On 15th December 2010, the dreaded day arrived. I spent the whole day crying and holed up in my room. I didn’t even watch her graduation concert. In fact, I still haven’t. Maybe my delusional self likes to think she’s still in the group. I don’t know. Call me silly, but Kamei Eri wasn’t just any idol. And this wasn’t just an idol group. All I know is that my Oshimen graduated, and it left a hole in my heart. It will never be the same.

2 months passed by and there were several rumors of Eri. Some said that she was in Hawaii. Some rumors said she was getting married. Another rumor mentioned that she has been sleeping ever since her graduation. And one random day in February, after a crappy day at work, I did my daily ritual of reading the Eri thread. Someone reported that Eri’s sister uploaded a picture of Eri on her blog. Oh, the joy it brought me! She has been resting ever since her graduation and the news I heard of her was always secondhand or rumors. But seeing a recent picture of her gave me more joy than I could every imagined. She looked well. She looked beautiful. She looked happy. And once again, without even realizing it, I cried. Even after graduation, she managed to cheer me up.

I’m not going to lie, graduations are hard. You think you signed up for a lifetime of happiness watching Japanese girls singing and dancing but the setback is that you develop these unfortunate emotional state called feelings. It didn’t matter if the graduation was planned or a surprise. It didn’t matter if you anticipated the graduation or not. It didn’t matter if you’ve been through hundreds of idol graduations. Every time an idol graduates, it sucks. And it sucks real bad when that idol is your Oshimen.

After 3 years, I still feel an air of sadness about it. Now, I’m numbed with graduations since, I don’t think any amount of sadness can rival the feelings I felt on August 8th, 2010. And when I see my friends’ Oshi graduating, I keep going back to that day. And I know what it feels like. We might not have the same Oshi, we might not even like the same group, but the feelings you feel when your oshi is graduating? I’ve been through that. So to quote a meme, “I know that feel bro”.

I don’t know what plans Eri has in the future but she already has my full support. If she wants to continue her studies, I wish her all the best. If she wants to be a voice actor, I’ll watch every episode of her anime. If she wants to be an actress, I’ll watch every drama that stars her. If she wants to come back and sing, I will cheer the loudest in the crowd. And if she wants to live a normal life, I wish her the utmost health and happiness.

So in short, yes, graduations are hard. But the support you give can always be continuous. And when you see new pictures or news of her, I swear it’s the happiness you feel right there and then, knowing she’s still living her life fully even after graduation… that feeling of happiness is unbeatable."---

Yes, i know that feeling AIDOL-san! 

I feel like I wanna share for a short, what happen to me after Acchan announce her graduation. 

Acchan announce her graduation during last day of Saitama Super Arena concert, which is the third day. During that time, I am still study and have to attend class, doing assignment etc, so I did not actually pay attention to any of AKB48 concert. Just waiting for someone to post it at Facebook group or at tumblr. 

Then on this particular day after back to my room from attending class, I open Facebook and see this post. "Maeda Atsuko Announce her Graduation!" 

I read it, and I cannot really think for a sec. I feel, is this for real? Acchan grad?? For your info, before Acchan announce her graduation, there is not really a top member who announce their graduation. The latest one if not mistaken is because of scandal (i cannot recall which one).

This is during that moment of graduation announcement. Yes, I tend to not watch this part everytime I watch Saitama Super Arena concert. I just skip this 3rd day cause it still hurt. Even AIDOL-san is hurt after 3 years of Eririn graduation, Acchan is just last year. The wound is still there but almost heal. 

Acchan reason to graduate is simple : to pursue her dream as actress. Yes, she have stated it since her auditions to be in AKB that her dream is she wants to be an actress. I am totally support her since she is good in acting. Okay, back to grad announcement. Since the day I heard about the graduation, I feel so depressed, I cannot focused in the class, when I am alone, I always thinking of Acchan..and her smile..(she is one of the members that have a best smile), I talk to my best friend about this, but she cannot do anything since she is not a fan of AKB or Acchan. So basically I am alone that time. I have to keep my feeling together with me and sharing the same thought with some other fan. 

Acchan announcing her graduation on Feb and her graduation date is still have not decided yet. A few months after that, it is announce that her graduation is after their Tokyo Dome Dream Concert on 27th August. Same as what AIDOL-san have going through, he have bought every single, every album, every photobook or every merchandise that have Eririn in it. Same as me, but since I am still study, I just managed to buy last AKB48 album with Acchan in it : 1830m. I am still planning to buy her last photobook later and other her idol stuff during her idol era. 

Now, after one year of her graduation, she have release her 3rd single, Time Machine Nante Iranai and I have bought type A, even though I want to buy all type, but I have to buy NMB48 Kamonegix single too (my wallet T.T), and she will release her 4th single on Feb next year, entitled Seventh Code, same as her latest movie. She have starred in a few movies already and I am looking forward for it. She have grown so beautifully and getting prettier and skinnier. She even managed to get boyfriend. I am so happy for her as long as she is happy.

Well I must say, AKB after Acchan(AA) grad is in a mess looking for a new center. Management and Aki-P have put a new member to push as a center. Besides, AA era, there is too many member who decided to graduates too,--Masuda Yuka, Kasai Tomomi, Shinoda Mariko, Akimoto Sayaka, Itano Tomomi, and the latest one is Sato Amina, a member who loves AKB than Takamina herself. She wants to pursue her dream as seiyuu. Goodluck to her. 

That's all. I haven't sharing in my blog for a very long time. After read what AIDOL-san have wrote, it makes me wanna wrote bout my experience too. Yes, idol is not just an idol, like AIDOL-san have stated :  " Call me silly, but Kamei Eri wasn’t just any idol. And this wasn’t just an idol group. All I know is that my Oshimen graduated, and it left a hole in my heart. It will never be the same. "

Yes, that is totally true. I am happy Acchan has become an idol. She is forever the queen, and absolute ace for AKB48. :)

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